What It Is To Be Human
by Jstar-and-Astar
Summary: Martha and the Doctor visit the Earth in the future. A soul is inserted into Martha's body. But Ashes in the Wind very different, and Martha battles her for control. They encounter Jared, Melanie, Wanda, and Ian. Meanwhile, the Doctor recruits the help of Captain Jack Harkness to retrieve Martha, but what happens when Jack takes a liking to the soul? And an old enemy returns. R
1. The First Memory Is Always The Worst

The first memory is always the worst. Everybody says it, and I wholeheartedly agree. But I had never felt one like this.

_I'm gasping. My boots clang on the metal floor. I don't know if the Doctor is still behind me, and I don't dare turn around. Footsteps ring above me, a trooping of tapping feet. I grit my teeth and force my legs to move faster. _

"_Martha, run!" The Doctor shrieks, and I hear the humming of his screwdriver. I don't know where he is. A gunshot sounds above somewhere behind me, and I stiffen in horror as a loud thump echoes eerily. _

"_Doctor!" I howl. He doesn't answer, and horror blurs my vision. I let out a screeching wail, a sound of pure loss, and stagger through the next door. The stairs seem to shift beneath my feet, and I lurch into an airy, spacious room. The Doctor's body lies on the floor, blood oozing slowly out from beneath him. A cry contorts my lips and I crumple to my knees. _

"_Doctor," I moan, stroking his ever-rumpled hair. "Doctor, oh, Doctor no. No, no, no." I'm weeping, the sobs tearing out of me. I brush my hands over my cheeks. When I raise my head, I hear them. _

"_Please come out. We don't want to hurt you. Please let us help you." Rage turns everything around me bloodred, and my heartbeat bangs loudly in my ears. Unconsciously, my hand goes to the gun, the gun that I promised the Doctor I would never use. I can feel myself shaking with anger. My heart throbs, painfully. I stand, dragging myself towards the door. Slowly, I raise the gun, and when an alien appears, silver eyes glowing, I fire. Blood blooms in the center of his chest and he falls and I am running, past him and down the hall, down the stairs. A gunshot reports behind me and pain tears through me, and I think that my heart really is breaking over the Doctor until I look down and see the crimson flow blossoming over my heart. I wobble through the building, my legs shuddering frantically like quaking aspen leaves. I reel into a closet, lock the door with fumbling fingers. _

_The gun slips from my hand, and I give one last heave of my blood-slick chest. I won, I won. I'll see my Doctor. I can hear the aliens searching, and it brings a grim smile to my lips. I win, I won. I will die before they find me. Doctor, will I see you now?_

I woke with a cry. The machines around me reacted automatically, registering my crashing heartbeat. "Ashes in the Wind, wake up." Someone spoke. It was a soft, slow voice. My brain scrambled. Ashes in the Wind, was that my name? Yes, yes it had to be. I remembered my last planet. It was a brutal, barbaric world, with flowers and flames. My eyes fluttered open. There was a woman leaning over me, eyes wide and concerned. I struggled to remember how to speak. The language of this host was clipped, sharp. So unlike my last language, which was flowing, sinuous. There it was! Language. I opened my mouth, the new spice of this language pooling on my tongue.

"Hello?" I said cautiously. She smiled, and the corners of her eyes crinkled.

"Hello, Ashes in the Wind, I am Sunlight on Ice. I am your Healer. Do you feel any pain?" I shook my head.

"Do you require any assistance in questioning her?" A female voice spoke from the corner of the room. Her voice was even cooler than the other affectations of this language, fast and deadly sharp. Wincing at a crick in my neck, I twisted to look at her, and she matched my gaze with blue irises, with their characteristic ring of silver. The Healer shot her a look of deep dislike and gently fastened her hand around my left bicep.

"She has just woken up, Seeker. I am not going to interrogate her when she is just getting used to this human body." Delicately she helped me into a sitting position, and I swung my legs gingerly over the table, pressing down on the floor with my-feet? Yes, feet.

"Oh, do be careful!" The Healer gripped me tighter. "You're just getting used to this body; you might not want to walk just yet." I nodded shakily and took a deep breath. How strange was the respiratory system of this body!

"I assume you wish to know the memories of this human, Seeker." Coolly, she inclined her head, pale hair swinging. I sighed. "Her name is Martha Jones. She was born in Great Britain and grew up there. She studied to be a medical student. When she was twenty-four, she-" I frowned. When I reached for the memories, I met a resistance, a little like a smooth, flat wall. I pressed against it, driving as hard as I could, and it gave somewhat, releasing a flood of memory.

_I'm in a hospital, staring out at the moon in shock. How is this possible? I'm on the _bloody_ moon! I was in the hospital, and now I'm on the moon! _

"_It's real! It's really real! Hold on." I reach for the window, and Julia grabs my arm. _

"_Don't! We'll lose all the air!" _

"_But they're not exactly airtight. If the air was gonna get sucked out it would have happened straight away, but it didn't." I stare around. It takes a minute for me to realize that I'm not terrified; I'm thrilled. "So how come?" There's a sound behind me, and I turn to see the patient-John Smith-fixing his jacket. _

"_Very good point. Brilliant, in fact. Sorry, what was your name?" _

"_Martha." _

_And it was Jones, wasn't it?" I nod very slightly. "Well then Martha Jones. The question is; how are we still breathing?" I stare at him curiously, but he doesn't notice my puzzlement. Instead, he rushes over to the windows and starts fiddling with them. _

"_But we can't be," Julia moans. _

"_Except we are, so don't waste my time." I glance at John Smith, and abruptly notice that he is rather attractive, in a rather geeky kind of way. _

_Stop it! _A voice wailed in my head. _That is _not _yours! _A mental jolt shot through me.

"Ashes in the Wind, are you all right?" The Healer was looking concerned, thin lines forming between her pale eyebrows. I bobbed my head unsteadily, still processing. Who was the voice in my head? Could it be-my host? _I'm still here . . . _I jerk, fingers spasming in thin air.

"Yes, yes I'm fine." The Seeker was tapping her foot, irritated. "Oh, sorry. Um . . ." Again, I reach for the memories. And again I am shoved out. "When she was twenty-four, she met a man named . . ." Furious, I push in the direction of the memories.

"_I promise you, Mr. Smith, we will find a way out. If we can travel to the moon then we can travel back." I sigh. "There's got to be a way." _

_He wanders back towards the door. "It's not Smith. That's not my real name." _

_I turn slightly. "Who are you then?" _

_He stares at me. "I'm the Doctor." _

_My gaze returns to the moonscape. "Me too, if I could pass my exams." I laugh softly, twist to look at him. "What is it then, Doctor Smith?" _

_He walks past me. "Just the Doctor." _

"_How do you mean; just the Doctor." _

_He glances at me, wide-eyed. "Just-the Doctor." _

_My eyes roll towards the sky. This is getting ridiculous. "What, people call you 'the Doctor'?" _

"_Yeah." _

"The Doctor," I breathed. "His name was the Doctor."

The Seeker glared at me. "Doctor who?" Inexplicably, laughter bubbled from my throat. I choked it off, terrified. The laughter was not mine. Pain erupted on the right side of my face, bright and sharp. My head snapped around. Through my watery eyes, I saw the Seeker backing away, her hand turning bright red. Blood rested on my tongue, heavy and metallic from my split lip. She had slapped me.

"Seeker!" The Healer sounded shocked. "There is no need for that!" The Seeker turned on her, snarling, and I didn't think. I reacted.

My foot lashed out and drove deeply into the Seeker's ankle, knocking her off balance. When she rounded on me, I forced my elbow into her chest.

"Stop!" The Healer wailed, but rage was running through my veins like the fires of my last world, and I shoved the Seeker into the table I had been lying on. _"Please!" _The Healer cried. This stopped me, and the Seeker and I both froze, she on the floor clutching her shoulder, and I rubbing my cheek, my free hand clenched into a fist. "What is wrong with the pair of you?" Healer Ice gasped, horror clear on her face. And I saw how unusual this must have looked to her. Most souls were peaceful by nature; they wouldn't even hurt a fly. But I had always been different, which was what made me an apt choice for the Fire World.

"I am sorry, Healer. I was emotionally overwrought and she startled me." The Healer shook her head, aghast, and quickly tended to my wounded cheek, applying Heal as fast as she could. She then went to the Seeker, who staggered to her feet and shot me an evil glare.

"You're just like her." She spit out and made for the door.

"Like who?"

Her expression was full of hatred. "Wanderer." She flung herself out of the room, and I was left standing there, uncertain for the first time, in my new skin.

"Ashes in the Wind? Are you all right?"

I breathed in. "Call me Ash."


	2. Those Memories Are Still Mine

The dreams were getting worse. Gingerly, I settled on the edge of my bed, cradling my wrist with my other hand. Tonight's dream had been even more vivid, and particularly emotional. It had been about the Doctor again, and this time he had kissed me/Martha. My mind wandered back to it, the feel of gentle lips against mine. _Stop it!_ The force of the mental shout was so strong that I nearly fell off my bed.

I paused. _Are you Martha? _

Her voice came back. _Should I be anyone else?_ So now she was not only here, but she had a sense of humor.

_How are you still here? _

She sounded frustrated now. _You're the alien here; you tell me._

_How am I supposed to know? _You're _the one who's sharing your memories, whose still here when you shouldn't be. _

Her voice was furious and rapid-fire. _Those memories are not yours! _

I sighed and pressed a hand against my temple. _Stop it, my head hurts. _

There was an odd, tired note to her voice. _Technically it's my head. _But it sounded as though she were giving up. Breath rushed in my lungs, and I paced to the mirror in my bathroom. Martha was quite pretty, all things considered. She had smooth, dark skin and glistening brown eyes, with of course, a ring of silver around the pupil. _It's my body, and don't you forget it._ I ignored her and brushed a hand over my hairline. _It's mine . . ._ A groan escaped my throat and I dropped my head.

_Look, if you're going to keep saying that, this could get old real fast. _

Martha was sullen now. _It already got old. _

Pain shot up my arms as I pressed my elbows to the countertop. _So . . . who is this Doctor, anyway? _

Fury came from Martha. _Why do you care? You just want to tell the Seeker. _

Laughing dryly, I paced to the window. _You know that she and I aren't exactly friendly. _

Now she was laughing, too. _That's an understatement! _There was a pause. _You're strange for one of the aliens. They're . . . peaceful._

My lips twisted in a grim smile. _Yeah, I've always been different. I was on a place called the Fire World. It was a vicious place, full of fire and death, but I was quite at home there. _I winced. _I've always had a bit of a temper. _

Martha was laughing again. _I think that I would like you, were we in a different situation. _

This sobered me, and I dropped my head into my hands. _What are we going to do about _this _situation? _

Martha paused. _We have to find the Doctor. He can fix this. _

I scowled at my reflection. _You mean he'll get rid of me. _

An emotion, one I didn't recognize. _Yes. _

Anger was starting to thrum in my veins. "And why would I do that? He'll kill me!" I didn't realize that I had spoken aloud until the echoes bounced off my bathroom walls.

Another emotion, this one identifiable; rage. _This is my body. _

"It's mine now."

_You have taken it. _

"I have your memories; I could convince the Doctor I'm still you. We could live your life."

I expected anger, but her voice was soft. _It's a life that you have stolen. _

"Who says that you deserve to live more than I?"

Martha was contrite. _But I had this life first. It will always be mine. _

"I could get rid of you." Alarm seared me, frighteningly strong.

_No! _My mouth twisted in a snarl. "I could lead the others to the Doctor." _No!_ "He could be one of us." _NO!_ This time the horror was overwhelming, and my body spasmed. Martha flew into her place, bringing our fist forward to slam into the mirror. Shards of glass rained down on us, tearing our skin. Blood ran down our left hand.

Martha spoke, and her voice was cold and cruel. _I will die before you take the Doctor. _I shook my head, determined. "I could stop you. I'm in control." _You saw what just happened. I can make you do what I want if I try hard enough. _My teeth sawed into my lower lip.

"This is my body now, and I am keeping it." My tone was full of conviction. Martha wasn't fooled. _But I will still be here. _

I sat in front of the mirror the rest of the night.

The next morning, I went to my Healer.

"Ash! How wonderful to see you!" She trilled brightly. Her smile fell at the sight of my expression. "Is something wrong?"

I took a long, deep breath. "My host is resisting. I do not know what to do."

Her concern was immediate. "Goodness! Have you talked to your Comforter?" Quickly, she ushered me to a chair.

Pursing my lips, I shook my head. "I don't know what to do, Healer." She patted my shoulder very gently. Inside, Martha recoiled from her touch.

"Perhaps this host is not meant to be." It took a moment for Martha to process what she meant. _Yes! They will set me free! _But the Healer's next words left us both cold. "A Seeker will find the information necessary, and then this host will be discarded. Martha broke through the wall that separated us.

"_NO!" _The cry ripped through me, and the Healer called out, shocked, as I ran from the room and leaned against the wall outside, breathing hard. In my head, Martha was hysterical. _They're going to get rid of me! _I pressed a hand to my side.

_I know. _

A beat and then, _We have to leave. _

_Where? _

We both knew who we had to find. "The Doctor." _The Doctor. _

But there was one question: _How? _

_Jack_

I waited by the Rift. The Doctor had to show up at some point. He _had _to. So I waited. Night fell and the moon rose, and still I waited. Gwen had looked concerned when she'd seen me standing there, but Owen had tugged her away. He knew that I had something serious to do. But, of course, he didn't know what.

Days passed. And one day, in the rain, I heard the sound of engines. A grin spread across my face as that wonderful blue box appeared in front of me.

"Oh, Doctor," I sing-songed and knocked against the door of the TARDIS. Abruptly the door flew open, and the Doctor stood there. His hair was even messier than usual and there was a wild light in his eyes. But that wasn't what bothered me. No, what bothered me was the blood spattered crimson and sticky across the front of his shirt.

"Doctor, are you all right?" He shook his head frantically.

"I'm fine, Jack." He rushed back into the TARDIS, and I had no choice but to follow.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"I'm fine, Jack. But Martha isn't." Alarm shot through me.

"Well where is she?"

The Doctor pressed his lips together. "She's been taken by aliens in the future."

I choked. "What?" My hands clenched. "What kind of aliens?"

The Doctor shook his head. "They call themselves souls. They-they're parasites."

"Parasites," I said slowly.

The Doctor nodded, and I thought I saw a tear trembling at the edge of his eyelid. Was the Doctor really crying? "They take over human bodies. I don't know how, but they have Martha." He wiped frantically at his eyes with his sleeve. Concerned, I reached out and awkwardly patted his shoulder.

"So you need to get her back, yeah?" He shot me a strange look. "Of course. I'm coming with you."

The Doctor shook his head. "Your team, Jack. They need you."

"Aw, they can do without me for a few days. I'll help out an old friend."

And inscrutable look. "It will be very dangerous."

I grinned. "I eat danger for breakfast."

The Doctor looked at me, and the serious expression on his face was enough to make me feel contrite. Smiling, I reached for his hand and squeezed it. "Don't worry, Doctor. We'll get her back." A crease formed between his brows. "We'll get her back." I moved to the other side of the console, but I could I still hear his murmur.

"Yes, but she may not be her anymore."


	3. You Are Both Aliens

"You really think he's still alive?" The smell of old blood rose to my nose, and I cringed, staggering to my feet and wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans. Martha was cross. Anger emanated from her. _Yes. I told you._ "You saw him die." I pointed out. _Yes, but he has certain . . . powers. _I sighed angrily, knowing that she was most certainly not going to tell me anything. _And could you stop talking out loud? People are going to look at us. _My teeth sawed into my lower lip. "We're not around any people, but fine."

_Happy?_

She gave the mental equivalent of a snort. _Not in the slightest. _

I sighed again. _Are you _sure _he's alive? I mean, _dubiously, I eyed the rust-colored blotch in the middle of the floor. _That's a lot of blood. _

Exasperation came from her. _Yes, he's special. _I detected a fair amount of fondness in her voice and decided not to tilt at that particular windmill.

_So even if he is alive, how are we going to find him? _

She was thoughtful. _We need to get somewhere open, somewhere easy to see but remote, so the Seekers aren't suspicious. Then we can signal him. I'm sure he's looking for me. _

_How in the hell is he supposed to notice some lunatic signaling from somewhere remote? _Her walls went up. That was one of the things she had hidden from me. Inwardly, I sighed. _Look, if we're going to do this, we have to cooperate. _Martha was grudging.

_Fine. _A thrumming wave of memory shuddered through me, driving me to my knees.

_I'm standing behind a potted fern. The Doctor is beside me, and odd, idiotic grin on his face. _

"_Ahh, look down there; you got a little shop. I like a little shop." _

_I give him a look, irritated. "Never mind that." Someone screams and I squint over the railing. "What are Judoon?" _

"_Oh, they're police. Well, police for hire. They're more like interplanetary thugs." _

"_And they brought us to the moon," I whisper softly. _

"_Neutral territory. According to galactic law they've got no jurisdiction over the Earth and they isolated us." I sneak a glance at him and am relieved to see that the smile is gone. His eyes meet mine. "That rain, the lightning; that was them." His eyes sweep over the scene below. "Using an H__2__O scoop." _

_I grin slightly. "Where do you learn about galactic law?" I laugh a little. "Where'd you get that from?" Rustling emanates from just beside me and I twist to that he's moved away. My smile fading, I follow him to just around the corner, ducking under fern fronds. The Doctor's peering through the glass, his hand pressed to it. Cautiously I peek over the railing and set my hands against it. _

"_Human." One of the Judoon says loudly. _

"_If they're police, are we under arrest?" I frown and stare ahead of me. "Are we trespassing on the moon or something?" Slowly I lower myself to the Doctor's level. _

"_No, but I like that." He turns to me. "Good thinking." His eyes shift back to the Judoon. "No, I wish it were that simple. They're making a catalog; that means they're after something non-human, which is very bad news for me." _

"_Why?" _

_He gives me a strange, steady look. "Oh, you're kidding me." One of his eyebrows rises. "Don't be ridiculous." His expression doesn't waver, and that unnerves me. "Stop looking at me like that." _

_He doesn't respond. Instead he stands. "Come on then." He walks off, leaving me to ponder the implications of what he just said. And then I follow him. _

"He's not human?" I didn't realize that I had spoken aloud until Martha berated me. "Yeah, sorry. But what?" _I told you, he's not human and he has ways that he'll find us. I can show you another memory._

_No, no you've got me convinced. So where do we go to signal him? _She hummed slightly.

_I'm thinking the desert. Maybe a nice mountain range?_

_Well, we _are _near a desert. So . . ._

_Any mountains? _

_Picacho Peak. _

_Do you know where it is?_

_Better. I can get there. Well, sort of. _

_Sort of?_

_Well, it is in the middle of the desert. It won't be easy to get there. _

But if there was one thing I had learned about Martha, it was that she was not easily discouraged. _Bring it on. _I sighed, nodded, and rushed down the stairs, until I came to the SUV waiting at the curb. Slowly I drove down the block, counting trees and bushes, until Martha danced impatiently, seething in my veins like a lightning storm.

_Hurry, hurry. _She hissed impatiently. I continued to drive as slow as possible, deliberately crawling along just below the speed limit. Martha's next protestation nearly knocked me from my seat. _We have to find the Doctor and you're just driving along like a little old lady! _She surged through my veins, clenching my hands against the steering wheel and violently twisting them to the left, sending the car grating against the guard rails at the side of the highway.

_You're going to kill us!_

_How could death be any worse than this? _

_I don't like this either. _

_So let's figure this out. _At my hesitation, she pressed against my senses again. _I promise I won't let the Doctor kill you. We have to do this together. _

I sighed. _Fine. We'll do this together. _Slowly, I shifted gears and I continued to drive down the road, a slight tremor working its way through my muscles. _Where do you want me to go? _

She thought for a moment. _We need to get supplies. Lots of water, food, extra gas for the car. Something reflective, shiny. A big mirror, maybe?_

I snorted. _A mirror? You're going to save our lives with a _mirror_? _

_Do you have a better plan? _

_No . . ._

_Then listen to me. _Grudgingly, I sighed, and turned towards a department store.

In the store, I picked up as many imperishable items as possible. Gallons and gallons of water. The old man behind the counter smiled at me as I walked out.

"Oh, I'm unused to being able to see my body!" I chirruped to the woman who wanted to know why I wanted a mirror. _You're an awful liar. _

_Am not. _As I drove back to my apartment, an odd feeling crawled its way up my spine. It was unfamiliar to me, but not so to Martha.

_We're being watched. _She hissed. I forced myself to keep driving calmly, although my knuckles whitened and my stomach churned. _Now, slowly, look around. Be casual. _Nodding, I nonchalantly glanced to the left, and then to the right. As I did, a black blur caught my eye, and deliberately, I fixed my gaze upon it. It was the Seeker from before, her car just behind mine. _What does she want?_

Angrily, I pulled into the driveway of my apartment, almost hissing as the Seeker's car parked next to mine and she got out. I sighed, stepping up to her.

"Ah, Ashes in the Wind. I wanted to apologize." I smiled tightly. _Don't accept her apology, _Martha snarled. _She doesn't deserve it. _Seething, I pushed her back.

_She'll suspect something if I don't. _Aloud, I said, "Apology accepted." I held out my hand. "No hard feelings?" She grabbed my hand. I winced as I got a big lungful of a flowery perfume.

"None." And she smiled, but it was the smile of a cat spying a mouse. Everything coalesced in my veins. _Something's wrong, _Martha got out, but she was sluggish. So was I, I realized abruptly. The world was getting fuzzy around the edges.

"Shomethingsh wrong," I slurred. The Seeker smiled again, coldly, and, quick as a striking snake, she grabbed my hands and bound them with black twine. "Help." I choked out.

"No one will help you now," The Seeker sneered in my ear. I battered at her weakly, but red began to creep across my vision, and slowly it turned to black. Martha cried out one last time as I went unconscious. _It's just like being with the Doctor, _she whispered. But I had no response, for then the shadows took me away.

When I awoke, my hands were bound behind my back, and I was lying on a cold stone floor. Cursing slightly, I tugged at my tied hands, but succeeded only in cutting off the circulation in my wrists. I coughed. My mouth tasted like metal. _Martha? _

_Still here. _There was an emotion that I recognized as a mixture of anger and frustration. _I thought you weren't going to wake up. _And another emotion—was that . . . relief? _Don't be ridiculous, _Martha snapped, although she had the air of someone denying their affections for another person. I decided not to bother and focus on the problem at hand. Or rather, _problems. _I didn't know where we were, how we had gotten there, and really, what was going on.

The room was small, walls cold and gray and functional. It was completely empty, except for me. Thin cracks of light filtered in the gap between the door and the wall, casting odd patterns onto my face and cheekbones. Mentally, I swore, and managed to get myself to my knees, wincing as my kneecaps protested. Martha hissed slightly at this, and at first I thought it was in sympathy, but quickly I realized it was exasperation. My knees had made a clanking sound, and someone was coming.

I froze, tense as a cheetah, as footsteps got closer and closer. My mouth tasted like things dead and dying, things feared and things fearful. If I could have, I would have run, but I was caught in the grip of cold fear. Martha was frantic, trying to get me to move, but I was locked in a primal battle with my own subconscious. Although, if you asked me, I wouldn't have told you it was fear. No, it was rage. Rage that boiled over as the door swung open. And I moved.

It was the Seeker, of course. She had a gun, but it was quickly apparent that she was no match for me. My elbow slammed viciously hard into her chest. Something _crack_ed and she let out a shrieking cry, but I was already in motion. Blood pounded in my ears, in time with my heartbeat as I pushed out the building and ran to my car. Fueled by adrenaline, I ripped the ties off my hands and hauled myself into the driver's seat, turning the key in the ignition. The second the car started, I floored the accelerator and Martha and I were zooming down the highway, tires squealing on the pavement.

Throughout the whole car ride, the speedometer did not dip below seventy and I did not relax until we had passed the city limits and entered the desert. Martha was unusually silent.

Shakily, I eased up and parked on the shoulder of the road, letting out a shuddering breath and releasing my white-knuckled grip on the wheel. _Wow, _Martha said softly, and for the first time, I noticed that her voice was accented, and while we spoke with the same tongue, mine was not. The absurdity of this whole thing suddenly gripped me and I burst out laughing, hysterically and out-of-control. I got a brief sensation of concern from Martha, but it was lost as I steadied myself with a quick breath.

"I'm alright, I'm alright." Smoothly, I started the car again and turned into the road, driving past desert vista and scrub bushes. _Now do you see why we have to leave? _

Sudden anger gripped me. "No, you know what, I don't! What's in it for me, huh? The Doctor cuts me out of you, and that's it then. I don't have a body, I don't have a life, and you walk away from this unharmed!"

_I could have the Doctor take you to your home planet._ Stark desire caught me, held me in its grip. "He could take me to the Origin?"

Her frustration was palpable. _Sure, whatever. Just as long as I get my life back! _She was filled with desire too, desire for the life that she had had before the Doctor, before all of this. _I can't have that life back, but I can have the one after the Doctor. _Her unspoken words hung there. "The one I stole."

"Anyway, how do you know the Doctor will help me?" _You're alone in your world; he'll understand. He never could ignore people in pain. And besides, _her voice was amused and grim all at once. _You are both aliens. _


	4. Dying Is Easy

**Warning: some swearing. **

"Why is there so much fucking sand?!" The frustration in my voice bled through and I pounded on the steering wheel with my fists. _You know, you're getting quite the mouth on you. _Martha's amusement was clear, and annoying as the day is long. _I've never heard one of your kind swear before. _"Yeah, well I'm just full of surprises." I snapped and gripped the steering wheel, pressing down furiously on the accelerator. _Slow down, _Martha cautioned. _We're almost out of gas, and then we'll have to walk. _Wincing, I eased up a bit.

"And another thing to hate about the desert; the sun." The sunlight was relentless, hot and achingly bright. I hadn't bothered with the air-conditioner as it would just waste precious fuel anyway, and I was paying the price now. Sweat ran in rivers down my shoulders and pooled in the small of my back. It itched, almost like a spider bite. _I'm in here, too, you know. I can _feel _it. _

"Well good for—uh-oh." The engine coughed, sputtered. I turned the key in the ignition, but the engine turned over once and then stopped. The car was dead. "Motherfucker!" My cry was loud enough to be heard from space. _Yeah, the Doctor's gonna hear that. _"Mother_fucker!" I guess we're walking from here._ Nervously, I leaned forward and glanced up through the windshield. Fortunately, the sun was at an angle so I could see. Unfortunately, we were still very far from Picacho Peak.

"Martha, we can't possibly make it there." When she finally spoke, there was steely determination in her voice. _We can try. _"But-" _I never gave up on the Doctor, and he's never given up on me. _Reluctantly, I loaded my backpack with water, food, and finally I tucked my mirror into the side pocket. _Time to go. _

So I turned my face towards the silhouette of the peak and started walking. The sand crunched under my feet, crackling eerily. Sunlight beat down on my shoulders and head, making me sweat so much that my clothes became soaked. Rivulets ran down my chin, into my eyes. I wanted to drink as much water as I could, but Martha warned me against it. _You're going to need that later. _So I only drank water when she told me, which was very seldom.

My head ached all the time, and there was a dry patch on my tongue. Though Martha was dark-skinned, even her skin burnt under this relentless sun, so my body throbbed with pain. Every joint ached, so I limped along, staggering around scrub brush and cacti. Even so, we were making good time.

Until the fifth day, when we ran out of water.

Thankfully, we were close to Picacho Peak. But I knew that we weren't going to make it. _Yes, we are. _Slowly, I crumpled to the ground.

By then, I had given up talking aloud. _What are the odds? We're out of water, and it's taken us five days to get _this _far. We won't make it._

_Ash, I know you can do this. _With a monumental effort, I heaved myself up. One step, two steps, three steps . . .

Five hundred and eighty-six steps later, my legs gave out. Hard as we tried, we couldn't stand again. So we resorted to crawling. My eyes were fixed on the ground, but I looked up when Martha gave a cry of joy. _Look!_

Ahead of me was Picacho Peak, a huge monolith rising above us. _We made it. _Hands shaking, I plucked out the mirror.

_C'mon, c'mon. You can do this! _With a sheer force of will, I pulled myself to my feet, ignoring my pounding head, my throbbing limbs. And then I lifted the mirror above my head, cringing as it caught the light and refracted everywhere. My legs wanted to give out, but I stood, swaying, and shifted the mirror back and forth, sending the light flashing across the sand. Before we realized what was happening, we were on the ground, cheek pressed against the sand. _He can't have missed that. _

_We're dying._

_Dying is easy, _we realized, a half-imagined truth, figured out in the twilight moments between death and life. _Living takes effort. _

_Wanda_

"What do you think she's doing?" Ian brought the binoculars down and squinted.

I shook my head. "You got me." The young woman was trying to stand up now, something shiny clenched in her hand.

"Shit," Jared hissed. She was now lifting the shiny thing—a mirror—above her head and moving it, flashing its reflected light around. "She's going to bring the Seekers down on us!" Movement flickered out there, and Jared let out a muffled curse before it solidified into the shape of Melanie, picking her way carefully through the rocks towards our uninvited guest. The light glinted off the blunt object in her hand. And then, abruptly, the woman crumpled, the mirror falling from her hand to shatter among the rocks. Melanie stood there for a moment, before gesturing at us and kneeling to hook her hands under the mysterious soul's armpits, heaving the woman up and dragging her towards us. Dropping the binoculars, I ran out, stopping to grab the woman's feet and hoisting her up. Together, we carried her into the caverns.

"Who do you suppose she is?" Jared frowned and gently peeled back the woman's eyelid to reveal a flash of silver.

"A Seeker." That was Kyle, his tone reminding me of the first time we'd met. "She had to be. Why else would she be signaling?"

I shook my head absently. "I don't know."

Ian knelt, his hand on my shoulder. "Do you want to wait for her to wake up, or . . .?"

"We'll wait." And so we did. Gently, Ian carried her to the hospital, and I knelt beside her cot, holding her hand in mine. Soon enough, her eyes fluttered open.

"Hello," I deliberately made my voice soft. "My name's Wanda and I promise I'm going to help you." Her eyes fixed on my face, and with a startled exclamation she sat up, brown eyes shining in the dim light. Gasping, she glanced around frantically, her chest rising and falling as she took in the room. "Hey," I leaned forward. "What's your name?"

She coughed for a moment, sucking in a heaving gasp. Wordlessly, I handed her a bottle of water and she drank it quickly, without pausing for breath. Her eyes fixed on me, terrified and wide. "Martha. No." She shook her head, pressing a hand to her temple. "No, no, it's Ash." She paused. "And Martha."

"Martha . . . and Ash?" I said slowly.

"Yeah, er, no. Just forget I said it." She grit her teeth and groaned, hand on her forehead. "It's Ashes in the Wind, but you can call me Ash."

"You're from the Fire World?"

"Yes." A touch of pride crept into her voice. "I've been to all twelve planets." She looked around. "Where am I?"

"You're in my house." Ian had gotten Jeb, who stood in the doorway with a grave expression on his face. Ash gave a yelp at the sight of him—no, at the sight of his gun—and ducked a bit, pressing herself against the wall.

"Hey." Ian came forward and touched her shoulder gently. With a cry she ripped his hand off and kicked him, driving her foot into his leg. Surprise shot through his gaze. "Um, sorry."

Ash glared at him, balefully. Carefully I inserted myself between them. "Who were you signaling too? With the mirror, I mean."

Her eyes fixed on me. "An old friend of mi-" Her face twisted. "Well, not mine."

Something was occurring to me. "Martha's friend." Her eyes met mine, startled. "Martha's your host, isn't she?" Something flickered in her eyes, and she nodded.

"Sorry sweetheart, but how do we know she's telling the truth?" Jeb's tone was matter-of-fact.

"I-" I began, and then paused. A strange noise was ringing through the air, a sort of _vworp_ sound. Jeb's hand went to his gun, but Ash was smiling.

"Here comes the Doctor."

_Jack_

"There she is!" Struggling to keep my feet, I staggered across the floor, gesturing frantically at the scanner. The Doctor and I stared at the screen, just in time to see Martha crumple, and be carried away by a pair of young women. They disappeared into a system of caverns, and the Doctor let out a low oath and flipped a few switches on the console. The TARDIS shuddered, and I clutched the edge of the console as a nameless excitement gripped me. Despite the serious circumstances, I had missed this. The rush of adrenaline that accompanied the familiar rumble of time travel. The TARDIS landed, and the Doctor ran to the doors and flung them open.

Slowly, a cave took form in the dim light, dark purplish walls interspersed with the odd glimmer of metal. There was a line of cots against one wall, covered with sterile white sheets. A hospital. It was a hospital.

And half sitting up on one of the cots was Martha, with a bright smile on her face. Next to her was a tiny girl with pixyish features and short blond hair, her eyes wide with shock. But there was something strange about her eyes . . . an odd silver ring around the pupils that contrasted bizarrely with her golden hair. On the other side of the cot were two men, one of them dark-haired and young, the other grizzled and bearded, holding—my gut twisted—a rifle. They all stared in shock as the Doctor stepped out haltingly eyes fixed on Martha. Who stared back, through the eyes of a stranger.

_Ash_

Inside my head, Martha was pressing as hard as she could against my defenses, hammering with all the mental energy she possessed. _It's the Doctor! _She cried at my protestations. _The Doctor's here!_

_Stop it! _I snapped and pushed back. _You're going to make him angry! He'll think it's me talking and imitating you and then he'll hate us! _She stopped fighting, but I could feel her excitement in the back of my mind, trapped like a firefly in a jelly jar. As she seethed, I studied the Doctor. He matched up to Martha's memories; a tall, rather thin man with scruffy brown hair and bright eyes that missed nothing.

The other man took me a little while to figure out. He was very handsome, by human standards, with nicely balanced features and icy blue eyes that lit with happiness when he saw me.

_Who-? _I began, but Martha had beaten me to the punch with a memory that sent my head into my hands.

"_Oh my God, Doctor!" I shout and sprint over to the man lying on the ground, checking his pulse, but feeling nothing. The Doctor follows me slowly, something unfamiliar glittering in his eyes. "I'll get that med kit you have!" Without waiting for his response, I turn and race back into the TARDIS, feverishly rifling through various objects until I find what I'm looking for. _

"—_I'm sorry." The Doctor's saying as I return, and I can't help wondering: _what for?

"_Here we go," I sigh and do my best to get to the man on the ground, but the Doctor's standing over him. "Get out of the way!" I crouch down, and the Doctor moves away, still with that same emotion written across his face. "It's a bit odd, though. That coat's more like World War II." _

"_I think he came with us," the Doctor announces. _

"_What do you mean, from Earth?" I frown at him as I get out the stethoscope. _

"_He must've been clinging to the outside of the TARDIS." By now I am trying to listen to the man's heartbeat, but there isn't one. "All the way through the Vortex. Well, that's very him." _

"_Do you know him?" _

_The Doctor nods, though he still looks strange. "Friend of mine. He used to travel with me. Back in the old days." I take off the stethoscope and look back and forth between the Doctor and the man on the ground, resting my hand against his chest. _

"_But he's—"I look back at the Doctor. "I'm sorry. There's no heartbeat." The Doctor's expression doesn't change; he still looks thoughtful and still has that strange emotion; nostalgia, perhaps? "There's nothing. He's dead." It is at that moment when the apparently dead man gasps, heavingly, and jerks in my arms. Confused, I help him sit up, and struggle to control my frantic breathing. _

"_Well, so much for me," I shout over my shoulder at the Doctor, who gets a peculiar, wide-eyed look, like this is something people yell at him every day. "It's alright. I've got you." The strange, clearly-very-alive man stares into my eyes, a slight smile on his face. And despite myself, my heart kicks a little. He's very attractive. _

"_Captain Jack Harkness." To my surprise, he speaks with an American accent. With his smile growing wider, he reaches up to brush his thumb against my chin. "And _who _are _you_?" _

_I laugh a little. "Martha Jones." _

_He grins. "Nice to meet you, Martha Jones." _

_Behind us, the Doctor shouts. "Oh, don't start!" _

_Jack gets an exasperated look that tells me they've had this argument before. "I was only saying hello." _

"_I don't mind," I tell the Doctor, hoping he can't tell that I'm blushing. Jack tries to stand and I help him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. _

"_Doctor," he says. _

"_Captain," the Doctor responds with a nod. _

"_Good to see you." _

"_And you. Same as ever. Although," He squints. "Have you had work done?" _

_The smile slips off Jack's face. "You could talk." _

_The Doctor looks confused, and then he seems to remember. "Oh, yes! The face. Regeneration." I frown, but no one takes any notice of my mystification. "How'd you know it was me?" _

"_The Police Box kinda gives it away. I've been following you for a long time." He looks at the Doctor very hard. "You abandoned me." _

"_I know. Busy life. Moved on." He says it so casually, like life with the Doctor doesn't become everything to someone, that it can be left behind as easily as anything. _

"_I just gotta ask; the Battle at Canary Wharf. I saw the list of the dead." He looks sorrowful. "It-it said Rose Tyler." _

_The Doctor shakes his head, smiling now. "Oh no! Sorry! She's alive!" _

_Jack looks both surprised and delighted. "You're kidding!" _

"_Parallel world! Safe and sound!" Jack starts to smile. "And Mickey! And her mother!" _

"_Oh, yes!" Jack cries and he embraces the Doctor. They both laugh, happy sounds that have no sharp corners of pain. Once again, I am forgotten. _

"_Good old Rose," I mutter to myself. _

_Little resentment there? _I was being snarky, and Martha sent seething anger at me. I shook my head. _Never mind. So . . . Captain Jack Harkness? _

Martha giggled, as best she could. _Yes indeed. _I snorted softly.

Meanwhile, Jack smiled charmingly at us, lightly rearranging his coat. He started to move forward, but the Doctor stopped him.

The Doctor.

He must've seen it.

My eyes.

The silver.

Martha's eyes, made mine.

A stranger, looking through the eyes of a friend.

Me.

A stolen body.

A stolen life.

Ripped away.

Martha trapped.

Locked inside something that no longer was in her control.

Shackled to this body.

Forced away by a monster.

A parasite.

An alien.

A monster.

Me.

_You. _

"Martha?" Jack said.

Inside, we cried out.

"No."

The Doctor moved forward, ignoring the people who had brought us into the caves, and twisted his hand in my hair, pulling my head back so the dim light flashed off my silver irises and refracted off of the walls.

"Not Martha." He stared at me, and there was no warmth in his expression, no affection. This was not the man Martha knew. This was not the man looking at the friend with whom he'd traveled through time and space. No. This man was staring at a monster wearing his friend's skin.

We felt nothing, not his hand in our hair, not the pain of our neck being bent at an unnatural angle.

And it was here where Martha and I split. \

She focused frantically on the Doctor's face, on the coldness in his eyes.

But I was thinking on another pair of eyes.

Icy blue, but with light dancing within them.

Eyes older than the face they rested in, eyes that had seen so much, perhaps as much as I, I who had lived eleven lives.

Eyes that held pain, agony, but also love.

Eyes that, against all odds, managed to be beautiful.


End file.
